Dearest Fighter,
i choose to call you Fighter cos i know that you are fighting really hard for me especially my body is badly hit by dengue. The doctor says my body is not as good as normal mothers are and it really hit me very hard.
This week marks your 7 weeks old ( by the time this post is out, it would probably be 3 mths later). There will be one more week before i see you again at Dr Tan and i am eager to meet you on the ultrasound too. I can feel you and sense images u send to me just like how i communicate with Faith or Ronnie. Perhaps, this is call telepathic between you and me.
You have been a very good baby except a few shocks here and there. I become very paranoid after you came into my life. knowing my body condition, i keep praying for your health and safety. I have been waiting for you for the longest time, to have you since the day me and your father got married. and you, will be the best present for me.
Dear Fighter, i know you can hear and sense me. If you do, i pray you will be healthy and strong.
On 12 Mar 2014
I visited Dr Tan with a chirpy heart cos i can finally see some growth in you. However, the ultrascan din turn out so good. Dr Tan tells me that you are only 6 weeks old instead of 8. we all wonder where the 2 weeks gone to? Are you doing ok? Are you growing fine? Dr Tan shows Daddy the mini you and a small pulse that is strong. I got very upset cos Dr Tan say you are a bunch of cells from the scan and is not form as a foetus yet. Dr Tan arrange for me to come back to see her again next tue for another scan to make sure you are well and growing. Fighter, the images you send to me are so real, the dreams are so real. please tell me you will be fine ok just like the images and dreams. i will try to eat more nutritious food, i m also eating all the vitamins that Dr Tan has given me. The pills makes me dizzy and sleepy but it is worth it.I love you always. Mummy.
On 18 Mar 2014
Dear baby, the news has hit me very hard. Dr Tan says that there is no life form in you. You did not grow and needs to be removed. this has hit me very very hard. my heart is bleeding and i cannot help why this happen. I keep crying and crying and crying the whole day. i don't know what to do. Should i give you another week or remove you? papa say that even if i give, you will not grow cos there is no heart beat. we did two ultrascan and confirmed that there is no heart beat at all. i don't know what happen and why this happen to me and you. i am so looking forward to our new life together. now everything has crashed. I question myself, i question God. I pray everyday for your health but it is not happening. and you are gone just like that. if God gives me to you and why he takes u away from me?Why give me hope and then crash it? No matter how much i cry, everything is just the same. u r gone.
On 19 Mar 2014
I couldn't sleep. Papa came and pick me up to the hospital. I din want to go. Papa tell me that there is no miracle and i need to face the music. i just can't help it. 8 weeks of being together means something. i just hope one miracle will come but it din. before the operation i hesitated, but the nurses there tell me that Dr Tan is very experienced and she won't go wrong. And then i proceed with the procedure and you are gone completely from me. I really love you and but things don't turn out well. Although Papa say u have no life form so you wouldn't be called as a baby yet but you are part of me still. very much alive a few weeks ago. i envision our life together, at our new house. Me and Papa welcoming you at our new house at the end of the yr, celebrating our wedding anniversary and Christmas together. everything just crashed. my heart is crashed and i don't know when it will heal. each time i think of u, it just bring me tears. many tell me to be brave and move on. saying is easy. but doing is tough.
Although Papa say u have no life form, and don't even know your gender. but i strongly believe you are a baby boy so i will name u Joseph. Joseph, good bye.
i choose to call you Fighter cos i know that you are fighting really hard for me especially my body is badly hit by dengue. The doctor says my body is not as good as normal mothers are and it really hit me very hard.
This week marks your 7 weeks old ( by the time this post is out, it would probably be 3 mths later). There will be one more week before i see you again at Dr Tan and i am eager to meet you on the ultrasound too. I can feel you and sense images u send to me just like how i communicate with Faith or Ronnie. Perhaps, this is call telepathic between you and me.
You have been a very good baby except a few shocks here and there. I become very paranoid after you came into my life. knowing my body condition, i keep praying for your health and safety. I have been waiting for you for the longest time, to have you since the day me and your father got married. and you, will be the best present for me.
Dear Fighter, i know you can hear and sense me. If you do, i pray you will be healthy and strong.
On 12 Mar 2014
I visited Dr Tan with a chirpy heart cos i can finally see some growth in you. However, the ultrascan din turn out so good. Dr Tan tells me that you are only 6 weeks old instead of 8. we all wonder where the 2 weeks gone to? Are you doing ok? Are you growing fine? Dr Tan shows Daddy the mini you and a small pulse that is strong. I got very upset cos Dr Tan say you are a bunch of cells from the scan and is not form as a foetus yet. Dr Tan arrange for me to come back to see her again next tue for another scan to make sure you are well and growing. Fighter, the images you send to me are so real, the dreams are so real. please tell me you will be fine ok just like the images and dreams. i will try to eat more nutritious food, i m also eating all the vitamins that Dr Tan has given me. The pills makes me dizzy and sleepy but it is worth it.I love you always. Mummy.
On 18 Mar 2014
Dear baby, the news has hit me very hard. Dr Tan says that there is no life form in you. You did not grow and needs to be removed. this has hit me very very hard. my heart is bleeding and i cannot help why this happen. I keep crying and crying and crying the whole day. i don't know what to do. Should i give you another week or remove you? papa say that even if i give, you will not grow cos there is no heart beat. we did two ultrascan and confirmed that there is no heart beat at all. i don't know what happen and why this happen to me and you. i am so looking forward to our new life together. now everything has crashed. I question myself, i question God. I pray everyday for your health but it is not happening. and you are gone just like that. if God gives me to you and why he takes u away from me?Why give me hope and then crash it? No matter how much i cry, everything is just the same. u r gone.
On 19 Mar 2014
I couldn't sleep. Papa came and pick me up to the hospital. I din want to go. Papa tell me that there is no miracle and i need to face the music. i just can't help it. 8 weeks of being together means something. i just hope one miracle will come but it din. before the operation i hesitated, but the nurses there tell me that Dr Tan is very experienced and she won't go wrong. And then i proceed with the procedure and you are gone completely from me. I really love you and but things don't turn out well. Although Papa say u have no life form so you wouldn't be called as a baby yet but you are part of me still. very much alive a few weeks ago. i envision our life together, at our new house. Me and Papa welcoming you at our new house at the end of the yr, celebrating our wedding anniversary and Christmas together. everything just crashed. my heart is crashed and i don't know when it will heal. each time i think of u, it just bring me tears. many tell me to be brave and move on. saying is easy. but doing is tough.
Although Papa say u have no life form, and don't even know your gender. but i strongly believe you are a baby boy so i will name u Joseph. Joseph, good bye.
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